Today I was eating at KFC when my roommate unexpectedly showed up. He asked me who I was there with, and I told him I was on a sexy date with his mom. Just then a woman 5 feet away turned around and gave me a disgusted look. Guess whose mom was in town visiting for the weekend? FML
I agree, your life sucks (451) - you totally deserved it (1381)
On 11/20/2009 at 1:30pm - misc - by pchis4ever (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1906) - you totally deserved it (5555)
On 11/20/2009 at 10:51am - love - by inpain (man) - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (295) - you totally deserved it (605)
On 11/20/2009 at 9:53am - intimacy - by WorstMedicalBill (man) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I discovered that my boss listens to the things we say about him on the audio-enabled cameras at our work. I'm thus currently jobless. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1817) - you totally deserved it (7281)
On 11/20/2009 at 8:56am - work - by HellaBomber91 (man) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, I was planning on going on a date with a girl I've really liked. She told me today was the only we could hang out before her trip. I got an expensive hair cut, planned on cooking her dinner, and pulled a few strings and got on the list for a big concert. Turns out she'd rather go shopping FML
I agree, your life sucks (7096) - you totally deserved it (853)
On 11/20/2009 at 3:25am - love - by sadday (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, I used text-to-speech just so that I can hear "I love you" for once. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9834) - you totally deserved it (1824)
On 11/20/2009 at 2:29am - love - by lonelyman (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, a McDonald's employee had to correct my math after counting out $2.37 in change. I'm in AP Calculus and am currently learning how to find the derivative of an inverse of a logarithm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1453) - you totally deserved it (9923)
On 11/20/2009 at 2:26am - misc - by Links (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, as I left class I felt a tug on my rucksack from behind. Thinking it was just someone deliberately dragging me back, I struggled to let myself free and shouted "Let go!". I looked over my shoulder just to find that one the straps was trapped in the doorhandle. Everyone was in hysterics. FML
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On 11/19/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by betamaxjim (man) - United Kingdom (Kirklees)
Today, my girlfriend woke up very early in terrible pain. I drove her to the hospital and fell asleep in the waiting area. When I woke up, my car was gone and it was 9am. She had assumed I just walked home (32 miles), so she took the car. I was the only one in the waiting area. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12344) - you totally deserved it (859)
On 11/19/2009 at 10:53am - health - by nolips (man) - Norway (Oslo)
Today, I was mowing the lawn and needed bugspray. I grabbed the first can of "off" I saw. Turns out "Easy Off" oven cleaner doesn't repell bugs, but it does give you third degree burns everywhere on your body. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4321) - you totally deserved it (12320)
On 11/19/2009 at 6:36am - health - by fishmike (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, I decided to begin jogging since my weight was getting a little out of control and I wanted to do something about it. Guess who tripped on a root and broke their ankle? Yeah. Exactly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11139) - you totally deserved it (2109)
On 11/19/2009 at 2:33am - health - by SeeTony (man) - United States (California)
Today, after a long day of cleaning, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Reaching for what I thought was Pam I coated my bread with spray and put my sandwich in the pan. Pledge makes a great looking sandwich, but the lemony flavor tastes like crap. FML
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On 11/19/2009 at 2:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I applied some things I learned reading a "How to please a woman" book. My wife was in heaven until it was over, then she started crying and yelling about the only way I would learn those things is if I was having an affair. I explained but she doesn't believe me. FML
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On 11/19/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)
