Oh hello. Didn't see you there. Im Bauer. You may know me from such great sites as Reddit or Sarcastic Gamer where I go by the handle "Bauer22".
I enjoy short walks on the beach (Sand sucks), reading a good novel, and watching people fail miserably at life. (Something you may have noted seeing on on this site.
Today, was my wedding night. We had decided to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressed and smiled at my new wife, she burst into tears and cried, "please don't make me do this." FML
I agree, your life sucks (110233) - you totally deserved it (9006)
On 05/23/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by honeymoondisaster (woman) - United States (California)
Today, is the day my husband was supposed to come home from a six month tour at sea. I heard the door bell ring. I sprinted to the door expecting to hold my honey bear, instead two uniformed sailors with a folded flag greeted me. I burst into tears. My husband walked up behind me. He laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (127663) - you totally deserved it (9641)
On 05/10/2009 at 9:18pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my friend had to take my cat who has a tumor to be put down when I wasn't home since I couldn't bare to take him myself. I have two cats. He took the wrong one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (125349) - you totally deserved it (13033)
On 05/10/2009 at 3:01pm - misc - by catlady (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I walked into the ladies restroom and was shocked to see the guy I've had a huge crush on for two years. Peeing. In the sink. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42129) - you totally deserved it (3216)
On 04/28/2009 at 1:40am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, as I was washing the dishes, I felt what I thought was a mosquito on my leg. I kicked at it with my foot only to realize that I had just kicked my adopted puppy in the face. Now, whenever I come into a room, he runs to the corner and pees. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16333) - you totally deserved it (54562)
On 04/24/2009 at 11:18am - misc - by Anonymousagb (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)
Today, I was about to get it on with a girl in the bathroom of my friend's house at a party. Just when things started getting heated, a pipe burst. Literally. There was water everywhere and everyone had to evacuate the building. I was cockblocked by poor plumbing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54197) - you totally deserved it (7378)
On 04/17/2009 at 3:29am - intimacy - by RotoRooter (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9339) - you totally deserved it (120970)
On 04/16/2009 at 8:19pm - misc - by tvaladie (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (67809) - you totally deserved it (25119)
On 04/14/2009 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by jizzlemonster13 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, My girlfriend and I were watching TV, randomly she starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited she says to me "Just Joking". FML
I agree, your life sucks (90307) - you totally deserved it (11073)
On 04/13/2009 at 9:44am - intimacy - by Hikara (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my fiance's parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, and his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. I'm a vegetarian. They had names. FML
I agree, your life sucks (100199) - you totally deserved it (9289)
On 04/10/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by lanbon182 - United States (California)
Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML
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On 03/26/2009 at 7:41am - intimacy - by JAY22 (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex and I was on top. I was really into it and in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said "oh, look at the time, I gotta get home". She wasn't wearing a watch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (65026) - you totally deserved it (9904)
On 03/26/2009 at 4:37am - intimacy - by crap (man) - Thailand (Krung Thep)
Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML
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On 03/24/2009 at 9:20pm - work - by mrWrong (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was trying to convince my boyfriend that I am NOT a dumb blonde. After screaming at the top of my lungs, I proceeded to trip over a bin and hit my head on a wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12149) - you totally deserved it (56901)
On 03/24/2009 at 7:10pm - misc - by blondie (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I decided to have sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pockets. Turns out, he had written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML
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On 03/19/2009 at 7:31pm - intimacy - by ufhdafuhds (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)
