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Today, I finally decided to get back at my roommates for eating all my food. First thing that kept disappearing was my water, so I decided to add lots of laxatives to my water this way the first person to go to the bathroom nonstop was the culprit. I forgot I had done that when I drank some myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2980) - you totally deserved it (21061)
On 11/06/2009 at 6:55pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, at work we were gathered to be told some bad news. One of our colleagues would be taking indefinite leave because his wife had dropped their newborn baby. I accidentally laughed at the image. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7356) - you totally deserved it (31561)
On 10/28/2009 at 6:29pm - work - by R (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)
Today, I was uploading photos to my Facebook, when I suddenly realised that I accidentally uploaded a naked photo of myself. Panicking, I rushed to delete it, just as my computer crashed majorly. Few hours later, 400 "friends" have already "liked" the photo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7764) - you totally deserved it (32798)
On 10/28/2009 at 2:52pm - misc - by ohcrap (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)
Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she suddenly stopped and yelled "STOP!". I stopped, scared I'd hurt her. She then yelled "HAMMER TIME!" and started to dance. We never finished. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11991) - you totally deserved it (2109)
On 09/16/2009 at 1:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, my boyfriend who likes to get high was driving me insisting he wasn't currently high. A family of deer was standing on the side of the road and he pulled over by them waited until they walked closer to us and said, "what seems to be the problem officers?" He wasn't kidding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14744) - you totally deserved it (25295)
On 08/07/2009 at 2:34am - misc - by Jstar - France (Nord-Pas-de-Calais)
Today, I decided to use fake tan, seeing as I am so pale. Everywhere I have been today, I have had children behind me. Singing the Oompa Loompa song. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8344) - you totally deserved it (35743)
On 06/18/2009 at 9:32am - misc - by OompaLoompa (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49079) - you totally deserved it (11354)
On 06/11/2009 at 7:52am - work - by apav (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I work at a chocolate factory on the sanitation shift. I was under a machine cleaning and a spider fell on me. I started freaking out and a coworker thought I got caught in the moving parts and frantically pulled me out and alerted my boss. Turns out it was just a piece of caramel. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9174) - you totally deserved it (26785)
On 05/10/2009 at 6:23am - work - by chocofreak (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my child says "Mommy. Sometimes my peepee goes up like a stick." I say "Well, honey, that's normal and ok." Then I ask when it does that. And he says "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes..." FML
I agree, your life sucks (92150) - you totally deserved it (7391)
On 03/20/2009 at 12:15am - kids - by ScoobieDoo (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I had a meeting with my super-hot TA. When I got to her office, she complimented me for being early, to which I thoughtfully replied "oh I usually come early." She laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39986) - you totally deserved it (23239)
On 03/16/2009 at 1:40pm - misc - by SmoothTalker (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I went to my new doctor to establish the paperwork. During the questionnaire, she asked if I was sexually active. I said yes. She then asked, "what do you do?". I told her I normally did vaginal, but would sometimes do anal. She blushed and started to laugh. She was asking where I worked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45394) - you totally deserved it (29703)
On 03/16/2009 at 12:39am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was trying to register for a porn site. I secretly took my father's credit card, but all I got back was a "this credit card is already in use." FML
I agree, your life sucks (44608) - you totally deserved it (76372)
On 03/15/2009 at 9:18am - intimacy - by freshed (man) - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)
Today, I was sitting in math class when I glanced over to the other side of the room and the hottest girl in the school is over there. I could see her thong so I instantly got a boner. About a minute later my teacher calls me up to the board to do a problem. I wore basketball shorts that day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58035) - you totally deserved it (28964)
On 03/15/2009 at 12:45am - intimacy - by 12incher (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36674) - you totally deserved it (67683)
On 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by SpiderMan (man) - United States (Michigan)
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