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Today, in class, everyone read my Creative Writing submission. It was a touching story about the unconditional love that exists between dog and his owner. Everybody unanimously agreed that it was probably about bestiality. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16926) - you totally deserved it (3766)
On 10/29/2009 at 1:17am - misc - by Quirk (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I searched myself on Facebook. I have a fan page made by some girl in Wisconsin. She has pictures of me on it. Can you say stalker? FML
I agree, your life sucks (20308) - you totally deserved it (2444)
On 10/25/2009 at 8:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, for my two month anniversary, my boyfriend surprised me with a "present". He then lifted his pant leg. He had carved my initials into his leg with a knife. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31614) - you totally deserved it (2533)
On 10/21/2009 at 11:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3400) - you totally deserved it (50294)
On 10/13/2009 at 2:54am - love - by PanFace (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was at a party when I got covered in the liquid from a glow stick. Thinking it wasn't a big deal I went to rub it off, but it stuck to my clothes. The cops came so everyone ran and hid in the bushes because we were all drunk. The cops arrested fifteen people because I glowed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8629) - you totally deserved it (25057)
On 09/05/2009 at 4:54pm - misc - by Idiots (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was eating with a friend while walking on the sidewalk. A couple of pigeons were bothering us so I threw a fry onto the street. As a flock of pigeons were gathering around the fry, a truck drove by. Only four survived. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11041) - you totally deserved it (27865)
On 08/20/2009 at 2:22am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I showed up at work and a coworker pointed a gun at me. After twisting his arm and leveling his face into the wall, I found out it was a lighter. Now I might lose my job over his stupid joke. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37802) - you totally deserved it (2914)
On 08/17/2009 at 4:02pm - work - by Fibericon (man) - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)
Today, I was at my friends' farm and we decided that we wanted to go to their old treehouse. When we got down there, it turned out my friend Cat had forgotten her shoes. Being a gentleman, I lent her my sandals. I then climbed the treehouse, fell out, and got a nail through my foot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42354) - you totally deserved it (3730)
On 05/25/2009 at 4:33am - misc - by jackelking (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (87909) - you totally deserved it (18896)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, one of the psych patients I work with on a locked unit looked into my eyes and told me lovingly that I reminded him of his sister. The sister he killed after he raped her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (78882) - you totally deserved it (1972)
On 05/08/2009 at 8:19pm - work - by leideigh (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I went downtown to pay my speeding ticket. After standing in line and arguing with a rude woman behind the desk, I get back to my car only to find an expired meter and a parking ticket. I got a ticket while paying my ticket. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36837) - you totally deserved it (10157)
On 05/04/2009 at 5:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML
I agree, your life sucks (14324) - you totally deserved it (54605)
On 05/03/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by danggit3290 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I had an ultrasound in fear of testicular cancer. I apparently signed papers allowing an intern to do it for practice. She was in her early 20s and smoking hot so as she was rubbing jelly on my testes I got an erection. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54545) - you totally deserved it (16675)
On 05/01/2009 at 2:21pm - intimacy - by erectioninfection (man) - United States
Today, my mother sent a letter to my best friend trying to comfort her over the death of her mother. She signed the letter "LOL, Jen" thinking LOL stood for "lots of love." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45317) - you totally deserved it (2974)
On 04/28/2009 at 5:51pm - misc - by unlolable4321 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was home by myself. I was singing "If I Had A Million Dollars" really loudly since I figured no one could hear me. As I'm really into the song, my neighbor shouts, "If I had a million dollars, I'd give it to you to stop singing" and slams his balcony door shut. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25816) - you totally deserved it (17944)
On 04/23/2009 at 4:04pm - misc - by NotAmericanIdol (woman) - United States (New York)
