Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I'm already a clumsy person but became extra clumsy because I was nervous. After knocking over my drink for the fourth time, my boyfriend's mom angrily shouted "Did you actually come drunk for the first time meeting us?" FML
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On 04/03/2009 at 2:10am - misc - by herANDi - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went to the movies. After it was over I got up and noticed a designer purse sitting on the ground in the back row. I opened it to look for anything that could give me a address so I could return it. The owner came back, assumed I was robbing her, and punched me in the nose. FML
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On 06/25/2009 at 2:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I finally got my paycheck from working at my minimum wage job for the last three months. I was delighted when I saw it was worth $846. On my way to cash it, I destroyed my car's suspension. It's going to cost almost $800 to fix. FML
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On 11/01/2009 at 4:08pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I got married wearing a strapless dress. As I walked down the aisle, our wedding photographer stepped out behind me to get a shot of me approaching my husband. Instead of stepping out, though, he stepped on. Stepped on my dress. Pulling it completely down. FML
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On 03/26/2009 at 9:38pm - love - by bride (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my girlfriend decided to be very naughty and placed her underwear in my backpack. I wish she had told me, because it slipped into a folder that contained my project data for my professor. So, after class, I got sent to the Dean of Students' office to talk about sexual harassment. FML
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On 10/02/2009 at 3:30pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, for the first time in months, I got a call from a beautiful girl asking me what I was doing tonight. Then my battery died. FML
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On 02/13/2009 at 10:02am - misc - by shinoza (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)
Today, we were running late for school so my mum shouted at me to hurry up and get in the car. I put my school bags in the boot of the car and my mum drove off. It wasn't until she got to my school and told me to get out that she realised I wasn't there. FML
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On 05/13/2009 at 8:36am - misc - by albert (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I was offered a promotion but for the same pay. Promotion... WTF? FML
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On 01/22/2009 at 5:35pm - work - by Promo girl - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I was in a store using the only bathroom there. After I was done, I realized I couldn't open the door. Panicked it locked me in, I banged on the door, and screamed for help. The security and a whole group of people gathered, only to find that I was pulling the door instead of pushing it. FML
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On 04/07/2009 at 11:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Japan
Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML
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On 05/02/2009 at 2:21am - health - by breathalizard (man) - United States (North Dakota)
Today, I wore a beautiful new dress that I got for £5 only in a sale. I've been turning heads in it all day. When I got home, my mum pulled the massive red £5 tag off of the back. FML
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On 10/03/2009 at 11:38am - misc - by Adalia (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)
Today, I went to an interview for a job I really wanted and am qualified for. I've been looking for months. This job was perfect; close to home and great pay. Needless to say I spent quite a while preparing. Everything was going great until I had to sneeze, which forced out a loud, long fart. FML
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On 09/16/2009 at 6:37am - work - by interviewed (woman) - United States
Today, I went to a cosmetic dentist and got a chip in my tooth filled in that I’d had since I was 7. I went out later and my friend jokingly hit my head against the table a few times to make fun of me showing off my teeth. He slipped. I fell. I now have 2 chipped teeth and a broken nose. FML
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On 04/21/2009 at 6:51am - health - by Chip (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I decide to go to my ex-girlfriend's house to bring her stuff back. I broke up with her earlier this week after a 2 year relationship, and I'd hoped she would have realized her mistake and ask me to stay for a bit and talk. I ring the doorbell and her new boyfriend opens the door. FML
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On 12/22/2008 at 6:54am - love - by noname - France (Ile-de-France)
Today, my very old cat was put down. I was very upset with my loss, and all I wanted to do was go home and sleep. After a three hour nap, I realized I had left my cat's body in my car. It was 90 degrees today. Even Febreeze can't get rid of the smell. FML
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On 11/18/2009 at 10:19am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
